In case anyone isn't familiar with Fayetteville, AR; it is a college town nestled in the hills of the Ozarks which has been overrun with earth worshipping re-tread hippies dead set on making it little San Francisco. The mayor, Dan Coody, has done as much as humanly possible to drive away business and make sure that businesses here have absolutely no control over themselves whatsoever. The latest asinine installment into their socialist elitist plan is to eliminate Cul-De-Sacs! My Lord, have we solved every problem under the sun that we are aiming the governments might and power at... dead-end round-abouts? The worst part is that they deem it evil because you can't walk or bike to work as easy (I say good, 'cuz at %198 humidity I don't want my government lackey to be walking to work! I couldn't stand the smell!).
So, here is my little poem to them:
There once was a town so full of itself that it put the free market back on the shelf.
You could smoke with your drink and your food it was said, and drive without bumping yourself on the head.
You could put out a sign for your business and then have enough parking spaces for me and for them.
You could park in your yard if you had a mind too, and could cut down a tree if it just wouldn’t do.
You could work at a factory, make the ends meet, or could start your own business just up the street.
There were plenty of things that you could’ve done, but then for mayor old Coody did run.
Now businesses aren’t to be thinking alone, for government’s has a new way to be shone.
Cul-De-Sacs? Never, eternally nay! How selfish of you to want safety for play!
Why should your kids be out on the street, without equal chance of a car they should meet?
If a freeway one poor child has for his yard, then all must be dealt the same dangerous cards.
And cars, you have what, 1? 2? Maybe 3? We’ll have to reduce that by half now you see.
We’ll have you walking to work in a lane, who cares if you smell like a skunk from the rain.
I hope you weren’t thinking of smoking outside, for cigarettes we now completely deride.
If in your public place you should light up, we’ll fine you or jail you until you pay up.
Now how to control those devilish cars, all squeezed on the street like sweet pickle jars?
Ole government’s here to show you the way, we’ll cut the lane down & put bumps in the way!
I see that you own a parking lot there, we’ll have to sequester ’bout half to be fair.
Then we’ll put trees in for green-space galore, who cares about making your parking a chore!
Now don’t go out hanging that old or new sign, for sign-less street beauty is Fuhrers design!
And when your sales plummet and sales taxes too, we’ll whine and complain and shout “boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!”
So then we’ll raise taxes for prairies and trails, and kick a few businesses out on their tails.
We’ll disallow parking on your very own grass, and fine you for taking out trees (‘lest you ask).
Your business has failed and you can’t find a job? Well Springdale has plenty and Rogers has gobs.
I hear a small rumor, between me and you, you can still get a cul-de-sac home up there too!
So Thanks to the mayor who went on a run, of socialist fascism just for some fun.
And so if you think that this rhyme isn’t through, he’s come back again, he’s much greener too!
Ole Coody’s returning and if he has smarts, he’ll pass the next law to regulate passing air.
So, unless you like goose-stepping to the new Reich, best elect somebody else to the right!
You could smoke with your drink and your food it was said, and drive without bumping yourself on the head.
You could put out a sign for your business and then have enough parking spaces for me and for them.
You could park in your yard if you had a mind too, and could cut down a tree if it just wouldn’t do.
You could work at a factory, make the ends meet, or could start your own business just up the street.
There were plenty of things that you could’ve done, but then for mayor old Coody did run.
Now businesses aren’t to be thinking alone, for government’s has a new way to be shone.
Cul-De-Sacs? Never, eternally nay! How selfish of you to want safety for play!
Why should your kids be out on the street, without equal chance of a car they should meet?
If a freeway one poor child has for his yard, then all must be dealt the same dangerous cards.
And cars, you have what, 1? 2? Maybe 3? We’ll have to reduce that by half now you see.
We’ll have you walking to work in a lane, who cares if you smell like a skunk from the rain.
I hope you weren’t thinking of smoking outside, for cigarettes we now completely deride.
If in your public place you should light up, we’ll fine you or jail you until you pay up.
Now how to control those devilish cars, all squeezed on the street like sweet pickle jars?
Ole government’s here to show you the way, we’ll cut the lane down & put bumps in the way!
I see that you own a parking lot there, we’ll have to sequester ’bout half to be fair.
Then we’ll put trees in for green-space galore, who cares about making your parking a chore!
Now don’t go out hanging that old or new sign, for sign-less street beauty is Fuhrers design!
And when your sales plummet and sales taxes too, we’ll whine and complain and shout “boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!”
So then we’ll raise taxes for prairies and trails, and kick a few businesses out on their tails.
We’ll disallow parking on your very own grass, and fine you for taking out trees (‘lest you ask).
Your business has failed and you can’t find a job? Well Springdale has plenty and Rogers has gobs.
I hear a small rumor, between me and you, you can still get a cul-de-sac home up there too!
So Thanks to the mayor who went on a run, of socialist fascism just for some fun.
And so if you think that this rhyme isn’t through, he’s come back again, he’s much greener too!
Ole Coody’s returning and if he has smarts, he’ll pass the next law to regulate passing air.
So, unless you like goose-stepping to the new Reich, best elect somebody else to the right!
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